STOP BEING YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY! 10 STEPS FOR WOMEN WHO FINALLY WANT TO LIVE THEIR POTENTIAL

Do you sometimes move through life like a car that has the parking brake put on?

Do you block yourself because you are still chasing completely exaggerated or outdated ideas?

Are you continuously restricted by rigid patterns of thought and behaviour as well as by influences of your childhood?

Do your blockages swallow up too much of your energy, which you could apply more sensibly and profitably for your potential?

… Maybe you do not even notice your blockages in everyday life anymore …

… because they have become a part of you – or you have become a part of them,

… because you have always been that way and have not even hit on the idea to have a closer look at your “brake pads” yet, or

… because you are afraid or too lazy to have a closer look at your blockages and therefore are unable to understand in which patterns you are stuck or on which beaten tracks your life runs.

STOP BEING YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY!

I invite you to ponder over the following prompts at least once:

Step 1: Lay your self-pity to rest!

  • Do you sometimes think that things are easier for other people than they are for yourself?
  • Are you convinced that nobody is able to understand how big your problems are?
  • Do you have the feeling that life treats you unfairly?
  • Do you tend to speak of negative rather than positive things?
  • Do you think that your cares are bigger than most other people’s?

It is very simple to fall into the trap of self-pity and get stuck there. But as long as you are caught in this trap, you will be unable to make changes to yourself or your situation. As soon as you have freed yourself from your trap of self-pity, you will have new energies at your disposal that will help you take your life into your own hands.

Step 2: Forsake your stubbornness!

  • Are you holding on to past events?
  • Are you cleaving to your fixed ideas?
  • Are you unable to revise your opinion?
  • Do you have difficulty being a team player?
  • Are you leery of others?

It is rarely expedient to try to command everything and everybody. Frequently, paralysing fear is at the bottom of control addiction and the inability to let go of fixed ideas. It is really too bad that you waste so much energy, which you could apply much more profitably, through your fixation, stubbornness or fear of losing control.

Step 3: Pick yourself up after a failure!

  • Are you afraid to even think about a possible defeat?
  • Do you receive your self-worth from your success?
  • Are you afraid of looking like a loser to others?
  • Are you daunted by failure?
  • Do you resort to excuses when your plans do not work out?

Perhaps you should have a closer look at the subjects of failure, defeat and frustration, because it is possible that you feel like so many other people to whom failure is completely unacceptable. Many of us have been designed for success from an early age onwards, which is why failure is not tolerable or at least very difficult to tolerate for them. But maybe we should accept failure as an important part of our personal developmental process?

Step 4: Learn to cherish solitude!

  • Do you sometimes go to the restaurant, cinema or a concert alone?
  • Are you of the opinion that being alone is boring?
  • Do you continuously surround yourself with other people or are you continuously talking to someone on the mobile phone?
  • Do you think that meditations or keeping a diary are a complete waste of time?
  • Are the TV or the radio on in the background when you are alone at home?

Nowadays, it is simple to communicate with other people at the flick of a switch, no matter where they are right now. Maybe you have forgotten how to be alone, maybe you feel impelled to communicate with others all the time. Quite frequently fear of loneliness or of insignificance are at the bottom of this kind of behaviour. Isn’t it about time that you let go of these blockages?

Step 5: Give up your impatience!

  • Do you always want things to be attended to immediately?
  • Are you annoyed when others are unable to keep up with your speed?
  • Are you convinced that things will not work out if you cannot see results immediately?
  • Are you of the opinion that everything has to happen fast in life?
  • Is the proverb “Rome wasn’t built in a day” incompatible with your philosophy of life?

Time flies – and you with it. Maybe you often have the feeling that you could miss out on something if you are unable to keep up. Maybe you simply overrate your chances of arriving at a result more quickly or you would even like to take counter-productive shortcuts in your developmental process sometimes. Frequently, the realisation that change needs time can prove very helpful, just like grape juice, which can only mature into noble wine when stored for an adequate amount of time.

Step 6: Let go of your fear of change!

  • Do you have difficulty facing decisions?
  • Do you dread leaving your comfort zone?
  • Are you thinking a lot about changes, but keep postponing them?
  • Are you afraid to change your daily routine?
  • Do you have difficulty implementing and seeing through planned changes?

If you are scared of changes, you will probably find yourself in a dead end one day. After all, life means change, on a large and on a small scale: You won’t be able to learn new things, your quality of life won’t improve and your problems won’t vanish into thin air on their own if you do not have the courage for changes. The longer you postpone these changes, the more energy you will have to muster to see them through.

Step 7: Brace up!

  • Do you sometimes dream of travels and adventures, but do not have the courage to make your dreams come true?
  • Do you always imagine the worst-case scenario?
  • Do you leave decisions to other people, so that you do not have to decide for yourself?
  • Have you already forfeited once-in-a-lifetime opportunities?
  • Do you avoid taking risks because you are afraid of possible dangers or failures?

Maybe you grew up in a pessimistic or anxious environment. Maybe nobody has set you the example that it sometimes needs courage to take a calculable risk in order to give one’s life the decisive turn. Maybe you are a safety freak and cut yourself off from the many opportunities life has to offer due to your lack of daring. But: “No risk, no reward!” If you are too afraid of realigning yourself, you will never be able to go from A to B in life.

Step 8: Learn from your mistakes!

  • Do you make others the scapegoat for your mistakes?
  • Do you allow enough time for looking for solutions for a problem?
  • Do you find it tedious to look for alternatives?
  • Do have difficulty giving up inhibiting habits?
  • Do you sometimes think: “I am never going to do that again!” but do it again anyway?

If you want to learn from your mistakes, you won’t be able to avoid honest self-reflection. It is important to have a close look at what has gone wrong, what has been your contribution to a mistake and what you are trying to push to the back of your mind because you refuse to believe it. Mind the warning signs that are trying to show you that you have pursued the wrong path before going on. You need a healthy dose of self-responsibility in order to learn from your mistakes and be eventually able to benefit from them.

Step 9: Do not cede your power to others!

  • Does your well-being depend on how kindly others treat you?
  • Do you do things because others have persuaded you to do them, because they badger you or expect you to do them, without in fact wanting to do those things?
  • Do you have difficulty setting bounds to others and saying NO?
  • Do you think a lot about how you can win over other people?
  • Is it important to you to be in everybody’s good books, because you want others to think highly of you?

As long as you give others power over yourself, you will feel dependent, uncomfortable and eventually unhappy. You will be dependent on others, because your feelings are bound to their opinion. You allow others to determine your self-esteem. You are becoming more and more sensitive to their criticism and turn like a weather vane in order to please them. Isn’t it about time to stop doing that?

Step 10: Rejoice over other people’s happiness/success!

  • Do you envy others instead of being delighted for them because they have made their dreams a reality?
  • Do you have difficulty being on friendly terms with or spending time with people who earn more money than you do?
  • Do you sometimes gloat over other people’s misfortunes?
  • Are you unwilling to listen to other people’s success stories?
  • Do you sometimes feign to be happier or wealthier than is actually the case?

Do you know the difference between envy and jealousy? Jealous people think: “I want to have/be able to do what you have/are able to do!” But envious people think: “I want to have/be able to do what you have/are able to do, but I do not want you to have it/be able to do it!” Jealousy – if it is not too pronounced – can be a corrective, but envy is highly unhealthy! It is grounded on deep feelings of insecurity and problems of self-worth – and certainly does not get you anywhere.

If you want to tap your full potential, then you should start with becoming fully aware of your blockages in order to dissolve them gradually. After all, they waste a lot of your energies. Whatever you have planned for this life … stop being your own worst enemy!

 

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